What The Post wishes Joe Biden’s cue card would say

On Thursday, Joe Biden flashed for the cameras a comical presidential “cheat sheet” that proved just how stage-managed the 79-year-old is by his staff.

Besides instructing him to remember to say “hello” and “thank you,” it emphasized basic steps such as “YOU take YOUR seat.”

Thanks to a White House mole, The Post was able to smuggle a new cheat sheet into Biden’s jacket pocket when he was taking a quick nap in the Oval Office.

Here, what we think the presidential cue card should say:


Press conference sequence of events

  • After ice cream, WALK down hall to press conference. Secret Service agents “Sport,” “Chief,” and “Stretch” will escort you (staff: this is John, Adam and Charles).
  • YOU stand at podium. It’s the tall wooden stand in the middle. YOU can hold on for support.
  • Greet the press. YOU say “hello,” not “hey friends, ready to cover for me?”
  • YOU do NOT sniff Kaitlin Collins’ hair.
  • A man named RON KLAIN will try to rush the stage. Stretch will tackle him.
  • YOU will not blame Putin or Trump.
  • DON’T whisper.
  • Seriously, STOP whispering.
  • When someone says “Mr. President,” remember, they’re talking to YOU! We can’t believe it either.
  • CALL on the Son-of-a-Bitch (staff: Peter Doocy). Don’t sniff his hair. Try answering his question for once.
  • Hold up your ARM. Make a FIST. Shake it all about. That’s what it’s all about.
  • YOU will be escorted out by your wife (“Jill”). YOU did a great job. It’s Delaware Time. Lukewarm tomato soup and MeTV!

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