Starry cast keeps in toon
Pinocchio. Whose nose has been redone more often than Hollywood actresses.
Tom Hanks who plays Geppetto: “Everyone wants a family. He wants to love and be loved. He wishes for a real son — as perfect a wish as you can have. And Pinocchio’s lesson is ‘Pay attention when you’re in the school of hard knocks.’ ”
Robert Zemeckis directs the CGI. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is Jiminy Cricket. Cynthia Erivo — Blue Fairy. Lorraine Bracco’s a seagull. Real star’s special effects.
Hanks, who spoke the truth or his nose would grow: “Unless you’re versed in technology it can really screw you up. Like swimming. It was, ‘We have to suspend you upside down, which won’t look like that when we have it. Also you have a mouthful of water but you can’t spit it this way and you have to spit it that way and you have to wait for a very specific moment to do it.”
Tom, who daren’t tell a lie, said: “I had to make it look real and do it 17 times until we got it ‘naturally’ right.”
Up and making cracks at dawn
Monday to Friday 6 to 10 a.m. it’s “Bernie & Sid in the Morning” on WABC radio. I am also on WABC radio but “Bernie & Sid” are WABC’s top-rated show — and this upsets me.
Smartass Sid — Bernie is Bernard McGuirk — started in radio 1998. Fired, hired, for sure wired, he’s just done a book titled modestly Sid Rosenberg’s “Sid-Izens United.” Publisher, Post Hill Press.
On the back cover Chazz Palminteri writes: “Every person is born with a filter between their brain and their mouth. Sid Rosenberg was born without one.”
Sid: “My alarm rings 3:15 every morning. Shower, coffee, in the car with my driver 4 a.m. A five-minute break at 7:25, I stuff in a bagel with cheese. Weeknights I read, watch TV, sports. I only socialize weekends. My body’s conditioned.”
So’s his mouth. Like: “I replaced Geraldo” . . . “Joe Biden’s a first-class schmuck” . . . “Jerry Seinfeld cut my part out of his movie” . . . “Tiger Woods was quiet but he wasn’t really a d - - k.”
A new saga is stealing envelopes containing checks to credit companies, taxing authorities, etc. So no humming “Happy Days are here again” — pay attention:
Ladies are getting back. Avril Lavigne: “I throw punches at men. You got to scare guys away. Show who’s boss” . . . Calista Flockhart: “I’m into kickboxing. I love to punch” . . . Soleil Moon Frye: “I won’t make the Golden Gloves but I love boxing” . . . Mira Sorvino: “Working in a ring’s great. I’m so muscled that my hips look narrower.”
Gina Gershon: “My LA gym trainer suggested I spar with Bob Dylan who popped me a hard right to the nose. I threw a haymaker to his jaw. Lying flat on the mat he said, ‘Just what I need. A good woman to kick my butt now and then.’ ”
Ralph Macchio: “Hilary Swank has strength and serious fighting skills. I’d go down with her first punch to my jaw” . . . And dad Muhammad Ali’s advice on daughter Laila’s pro career in the ring? The champ said: “Run.”
Manufacturer: “I just spent $15,000 on my kid’s education and she marries a bum who earned $3,000 last year.” His partner: “Stop complaining. You’re still getting 20% on your money.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.