Do people actually know where Delaware is?
It’s why and Delawhere?
“I’m going to see Delaware,” I told a friend. “Who’s Delaware?” they asked.
I explained it’s a state where great minds think of sending our migrants. And it’s great for retirees — like maybe, we hope, Biden.
I learned Delaware’s main drink is Dogfish Head craft beer. Main dish: Scrapple, slippery dumplings and fries. Shove ketchup. It comes with a cup of malt vinegar. Main attraction: Rehoboth Beach, which has a gas station, nail salon and kebab stand. For anything else you go out of state.
No sales tax. It’s cheapo. The dress code is sleeveless tees. Which explains Mrs. Biden’s 1950s crappy skirts with machine imprinted flowers.
To see why Joe prefers his beach house to the White House, we arranged two weeks of advance calls confirming my visit. Then — exactly as I’m leaving — the state canceled. This entire homeland of America’s Chief of State could not receive me. No guide. Not one. None.
A whole 35-mile-long state — which houses the CEO of the Free World — its government, tourist office, hotel, limo service, newspaper couldn’t wake up one guide. Not even a gardener loaning his AARP oxen. Nobody!
Locals whom I already knew told me: “One party only runs us. Basically we’re a small county — insular, arrogant, incompetent — who became a state. Up for re-election recently was Kathy McGuiness who faced some charges after an audit. And there’s treasurer Colleen Davis found driving with a suspended license. Also, possibly due to excess sulfur, tap water may have a rotten eggs aroma. Plus, and this is a direct quote: “It’s interesting as to how Hunter’s father handles his bills.”
Such a sorry state
Settled 1631, first original state. Middle of no place. No hills, no canyons, no celebrities except Valerie Bertinelli, Raúl Esparza and they mention “Aubrey Plaza.” Who?! No international flights, no sightseeing, no sports team, no national park. The entire state is highway I-95. Nearest elegant dining? Downtown Secaucus.
Southern Delaware, called “Slower Lower,” and two blocks from Northern Delaware, has tractors, hog calling, rural lifestyle, even ketchup.
So, why’s Texas so big and Delaware so small? The all wise answer? Whothehell knows.
Their attraction is where F. Scott Fitzgerald partied, where “Dead Poets Society” filmed, where — they swear — everyone knows everything — except where to find a guide. And the whole state shuts down 5 p.m.
Not even the Delaware Water Gap’s in Delaware, so prime sightseeing is its largest city, Wilmington. Wow! Right up there with Paris, Rome, London and New York.
A local barn bears the printed word “BIDEN.” A nearby lawn sign reads “Thank You, Mr. Trump.”
Excelling in contracts, corporations and courts, Schwarzenegger’s thigh is larger than the whole state. But what it has is beaches. It’s big with beaches. Everyone lauds its beaches. You might call native Biden a son of a beach.
AND just to bring a local touch into today’s column, this week Darryl Strawberry and coincidentally “Real Housewife” Melissa Gorga were both co-noshing — the same night — at Carmine’s in Times Square.
And that’s Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
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