Avatar swims into theaters after 13 years
A sequel or sequins?
“Avatar: The Way of Water” swims into theaters this week — 13 years after the first one.
Zoe Saldana, Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver, who now plays age 14. This water’s maybe the fountain of youth.
Sigourney: “It was an immersive experience. We learned how to free dive. I got to hold my breath 6 ¹/₂ minutes. It’s about family. There’s so much to take in you must see it more than once.”
Yeah? Please. Many people I know don’t even want to see their family for coffee.
Director James Cameron: “You’ll love this movie. And if you don’t like 3D, go see it in 2D.”
Yeah? Please. You’ll need a new bladder. The thing’s 3 hours and 12 minutes.
Feel like your spending your hard-earned singles in another way?
The holidays can be all huggy and kissy. So, anyone get too frisky with stripper Maine Anders?
“I’ve had my time with that. I’m not afraid to slap a hand or throw someone out.
“Besides the no-hands policy, it’s ladies who act up. I’m like, ‘Can’t touch, lady.’ They get crazy with, ‘Hey, we all got the same body parts’ thing so what’s a little spank or pat on the booty?’ And I’m, like, ‘OK, calm down.’ ”
Where’s she shaking it these nights?
“Bathtub Gin in Chelsea. Coby Club. Also Chelsea. House of Yes. That’s Bushwick. Cape Cod it’s the Mack ballroom. And, listen, there’s now also a burlesque festival in Mormon Utah.
“Honey, we’re just spraying everyone with glitter sparkles.”
High-class, low-class, Zero class
ZERO Bond. The outside’s nothing. The street’s nothing. The inside’s something. Into this Disney fantasy came customers schlepping backpacks.
Employee: “Many who come have attitude. They think they’re something. Most are nothing. But Jeff Bezos the other night was simple, quiet, polite.”
Our temp mayor Eric the Great’s dinner is in one of the quieter rooms?
“No. He prefers to strut around downstairs so everybody can see him.”
Food, great. Service, great. Eric, not so great.
AND the new Inquisition game traveling around parties:
Q: How long did the Hundred Years War last?
A: 116 years, 1337 to 1453
Q: What country makes Panama hats?
Q: What’s a camel-hair brush made of?
A: Squirrel fur
Q: What’s King George VI’s first name?
Q: Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
A: New Zealand
Spot a UFO?
SHIRLEY MacLaine on substantiating a UFO if you think you’ve seen one: Call someone nearby. Have that person also see it, locate it and confirm it. Call yet another person in another slightly distant area. This provides triangulation and estimated size. Note the location and direction it is traveling. For later comparison, write a description of what you saw.
AND the absolutely classiest restaurant in town. Scarpetta. Like the old days. Managers and waitstaff in suits and ties. Customers well-dressed — not in T-shirts. Men in jackets, ties. Food excellent, service excellent. You’ll love it.
JOE Biden’s holiday present to friends in this special city — which is the capital of the world. His new book. Title: “Why I Believe in God — and Vice Versa.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.